Happy Birthday

I happened upon this recently when reading a book I love and thought it seemed fitting, since it's almost my birthday:

L'alcool la rendait triste. Elle nous parla du temps qui s'en va. Comme tous les adolescents quittant cet âge, quand ils en ont compris ou lu les charmes, elle ressentait amèrement son vieillissement, son changement d'état. Quoique très jeune, autrefois elle était plus jeune encore.

I like it.

i like songs about being famous. i like how they're so fundamentally self-indulgent and narcissistic. especially if they're about how hard it is to be famous.

rereading sartre. no exit, more specifically. i've lost sight of myself. nothing like ruminating on bad faith in hopes of restoring good faith. i worry. if i didn't have bad faith, i'm not sure i would have any faith at all.

And then Garcin says, "Hell is other people."

so it has occurred to me that today was the first time i borrowed a book from the library (in new york at least). i drop big bucks on books because i like the idea of owning them. i like the smell of new books. the one i borrowed from the library smells old and musty, but it smells like nostalgia.

things are changing but i can't decide whether i think they're changing too fast or not fast enough. in any case, expect a big change early this week. i'm very excited. 

Thoughts and Ramblings

i've decided that i miss riding a bicycle. the thought of riding a bike in new york scares the bejesus out of me though. want to ride my bike in golden gate park today. it looks like it could be the kind of day where i could put on a nice summer dress, maybe a cardigan (sf fog and wind...ehhh), and ride up arguello to golden gate park. music of choice: maybe ace of base? probably britney. always britney. belle and sebastian, definitely. and then, i'd like to lay don on the grass, smoke a cigarette and drink an iced latte and listen to playground love and any other air tracks that tickle my fancy. maybe i'd ride to stow lake and see the turtles. i do love turtles. sometimes i want to buy the super mini turtles they sell on canal st. 1 for $10. 2 for $13. "i can afford that! barely...but it's feasible," i think excitedly, slightly enamored of the idea of being the proud owner of two baby turtles for the small price of $13 (includes food and tiny plastic crate). but then i remember that i feel slightly afraid of them for reasons unknown. i also remember that they don't stay so mini. in fact, i am under the impression that they grow into veritable giants. okay, maybe not "veritable giants," but you get the picture.

alas, my bike is at c's house. i don't know if i should drive to alameda to get it. i don't even know if it would fit in my car. we used his dad's old ford aerostar to haul it over there in the first place. but oh god do i ever want to ride my bike today. i like the park and the feeling of being enveloped in sunshine and warmth. 

b is coming tomorrow for some much needed catching up. by catching up, i of course mean marina subs and beers. i think i heard the weather is going to be a little nasty tomorrow. all the better i guess, since i'll be inside of glorious marina subs, eating legit avocado. new york is so utterly fabulous in so many ways...but the produce is, well, shitty. i can't wait for a real, ripe california avocado. although, i must say, i miss the pineapple at my favorite bodega on prince st. i will go get some as soon as i return on sunday evening.

lastly, FML still bothers me. i wish everyone would stop referring to it or saying "FML" in their facebook statuses. this is ridiculous. new pet peeve? i would say so.

Fuck MY Life, Not Yours...

Emergence of new web blog FML has complicated and damaged my life irreparably. I used to say "fuck my life" all the time. now i can't say it without sounding totally lame (is it possible that i sounded lame saying it even in pre-FML days? probably...) or at least sounding like some loser who reads the stupid blog. now "fuck my life" just sounds so emo...or facebooky...or something.

i made a twitter recently. i think twitter is dumb, but not as dumb as fml. it used to be that dumb, but then i discovered shaq's twitter and now i can finally see all of twitter's redeeming qualities. favorite shaq tweet of all time:

 

"I'm goin to the alamo tomorro to get one of those daniel boone squirrel tail hats, I'm n san antonio, in case u didn't kno were the alamo is"

don't you mean "raccoon tail," shaq?

or maybe it's this one:

"Went to a horse style cirk us dolay show called cavalia, very impressive"

 

"cirk us dolay," huh?...could he mean "cirque de soleil," perhaps? this only confirms in my mind that shaq is the height of sophistication. a truly worldly man and dynamite     individual.

i also like this tweet:

"People n phoenix u have 5 min to touch me I have 2 laker tickets n my hand I'm on a corner at a bus stop"

 

what's funnier...that he is giving the people of phoenix five minutes to touch him or that he's on a corner at a bus stop... now what exactly is a bona fide celebrity such as himself doing standing at a corner bus stop?

mostly, i'm just blogging as a means of avoiding a midterm that is due in only a few hours. i could easily say "fuck my life," but i won't.

why, it's just like a movie!

so my life basically just consists of watching and studying film. sometimes i worry that all the things i watch (especially the things i watch obsessively and repeatedly) shape who i am. i guess it's not a bad thing. not really, anyway. but i'd like to think that my thoughts, words, and actions are my own, rather than just a random amalgam of things that were in some movie. it's just something that's been on my mind. 

turn the lights out, this shit is way too fucking bright.

not too much going on. back in the sco. time to ensconce myself away from the glitzy world of grey goose martinis...and the not-so-glitzy world of ten dollar bottles of champagne and smirnoff. yeah i like to keep it classy. what can i say? brit's new song "blur" has basically defined the last week of my life. thank god she decided to make a song about getting crunk and then fucking up monumentally. how genius of her. 

katie reassures me that college is about making mistakes. crossing my fingers that i'll hold off on making any more for at least a little while.